Of fleeting memories and highs

A journal of an 82-year-old woman

Staying alive September 24, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — sallysays @ 2:27 am

Not half dead, but alive.A rant or two ahead. I can’t seem to anchor my mind, I so much wish to be in the clouds and space more often than another side of I, like.

There’s this attraction you find in primitive societies… where clock time is fixed, you know the future, your end. Modern people, we’re attracted to the primitive, to people who are so much more connected to life, who know so much in their worlds, that we are incapable in explaining. Yet, there’s a global need to develop such communities, to make them rational, ambivalent beings, feeling-less. Am I going too far with modernity? But aren’t we live too fluidly, estranged… where do you go when you need to be grounded? Remember love? It’s upsetting, and completely horrifying that love in the modern world is as fleeting as a meal. Satisfying in that instant, but harmful for the rest of your life.

The above statement is completely juvenile. It’s a global economic process… the monetarisation of life, weber’s iron cage.

Being modern myself, growing up in a city, I remembered, from the earliest of my memories, that I had to do well in modern, moral standards, to study, to make money, to look after your elders, to love. And then I discover, so muhc like the modern life we live… that i’ve come full circle, to study about concepts and theories which contradict all of my conscious modern life.There isn’t a need for education except for the fact that you’ll be a practical use to your nation-state. I can’t seem to comprehend the purpose, yet I drive myself to live every day… and the purpose is for others, for people who matter to you, the feelings which you cannot just ignore. Feelings… ahhh… where did you derive yourself from?

 

my remember book is running out of pages September 10, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — sallysays @ 11:33 am

what do you do when your memory runs out of pages? do you buy a new book, or decide to forgot altogether? hmmmm… the last entry on my remember book was the number of hours i worked, and an estranged line which says “which modernity?” haha!

—–

spending days with my head in the clouds, detached from my earthly body. the body seems to know what it’s doing, it brings me to complete the rational tasks of life, while my mind travels elsewhere. hi how are you? good thanks, you? not too bad…. i wonder if it’s possible to permanently live with my mind in the clouds, maybe as an outcast of society, zombie, mental? I’ve never spend so much time, sober(maybe semi), sitting at one spot and staring into space while the hours melt away. Is it 2 already? and the body brings me to class. maybe that’s death, when your mind drifts too far, it got lost and doesn’t know how to return. maybe we’re breathing in lost thoughts. will you please wake up, wait for me?

 

 
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